DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
