He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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