What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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