Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
