My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Rumble strips road head = magical
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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