he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
