Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
