Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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