It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
