Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
