M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
