I feel like abortions should bother me more
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
