Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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