i need an iv and a liver transplant
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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