You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
