Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
