the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
