Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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