dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
