My first STD was from a foam party
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
