He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
