Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
