This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
