I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
