If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
