you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize