i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
