i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
