Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
