Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So much rum. So many feels.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
