Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
