so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
