Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
