I wanna bring you to show and tell
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
