I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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