Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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