He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
