very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
