A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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