I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
