theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
