Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize