Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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