Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
