laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
