at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
