Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize