Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
