His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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