No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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