come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
