dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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