man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
