i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's shark week go big or go home
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
