I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
