so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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