Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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