anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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