Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
handjob tips. give me some.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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