so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
