Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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