i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
