so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
