They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
