Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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