I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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