What did we do last night that was yellow?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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