She announced her abortion via fbk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
