Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize