we're making bets on your personal life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
