so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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