I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
