I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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