hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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