carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
