it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
