i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
